Forever? Forever
by upintheclouds624
Summary: One Shot - Exploring the a moment between Rose & Dimitri


"_As previous research has shown, males tend to seek mates who will most likely be able to further the population. Down to the hardwiring of the male psyche, it has been determined that ultimately, the female that offers the best chance of reproduction and proliferation is the one the male will choose."_

This exactly the reason why Rose hated going to those stupid psychology classes Lissa was taking. The more classes that Lissa took, the more it seemed to Rose that they were a waste of time. Not everything that has been found through research is what actually occurred or even existed. But lately, Rose couldn't help but be effected by the theories she kept hearing in these classes.

Lissa was in her senior year, and you would think that Rose by this point was used to being in class with Lissa, not the case. Rose paid attention. It had been long decided that Rose wouldn't be enrolled with Lissa, by Rose's own choosing. The academic world was not one Rose was even remotely interested in. Further training in the Guardian realm, well, that was a whole 'nother story.

At first, even Dimitri encouraged Rose to enroll in classes, to make the most out of the opportunity but Rose quickly shot it down. School was not her thing. Since then, the Guardians had been looking for more training for Rose as to not let her talent go to waste. Guarding Lissa wasn't such a tough job as it had originally seemed to be. After overcoming as much as Rose had, guarding Lissa had been a walking in the park.

Things had fallen into a nice lull. Rose still had Dimitri, which was more than she could ever hope or dream for. As time passed, Dimitri's teasing comments about getting married had ceased and they had fallen into a comfortable arrangement when they moved in together, two years later.

Rose was still every bit in love with Dimitri and the same was for him. But lately, the closer to graduation Lissa became, the more it felt like a turning point was coming as well for Rose. The big question had come of whether or not Lissa would go and further her studies with graduate school, or start taking on the active role of a full time queen. It was also evident that Christian would be proposing soon to Lissa.

Rose was starting to understand that they were really grown-ups now. In a few short weeks, Lissa could be engaged, going to grad school, or running a secret race. Either way, that left Rose with choices to make as well.

Honestly, Rose wasn't jealous of Lissa. She knew she had Dimitri's love and that when she gave the green light, Dimitri would be on his knees proposing to her. The love and marriage part didn't faze Rose. She had love, and would eventually have marriage. It was the what came afterwards that was starting to bother her.

All these psychology classes were making her think, putting ideas into her head that had no right to be. What would happen after she got married? They were already living together – naturally the next step would be children. But, that wasn't an option for them. Ever. Damn Dhampir sterility, which had seemed like a blessing so far, now seemed like a curse.

Rose always knew that Dimitri would make a great father, but they never discussed children. Rose really never had ever given it a thought, either. Now though, hearing how it has "hardwired" into the male psyche to choose a mate who would be able to procreate, started putting doubts in Rose's head. How could she and Dimitri ever have a future if they would always be stuck in the same place? How could one move forward when there was nowhere else to go? Where did that leave them? Only to go backwards? What would going backwards entail? Rose refused to even think that there was possibility of not being with Dimitri.

But, that didn't prevent the seed of doubt from growing inside her. By the time the class was over, Rose had worked herself into a state. All these crazy ideas were marinating within her that even when Lissa offered to take them out for lunch before they got back to court, to Rose's favorite restaurant, Rose still refused. She just wanted to get back to court, end her shift, and take out some of her frustrations in the gym.

When they got back to court, Rose instantly checked to see if Christian was back as well, wanting to see if Dimitri was around for some sparring. Rose wasn't that lucky. She ended up running herself hard around the track, and then tried a few rounds with the punching back, but still not finding the relief she sought from her wayward thoughts. Rose finally gave up and showered, heading home for the day.

As she unlocked the door, Rose decided she would follow Olena's advice and cook something to soothe her mind. Olena always said that everything was better on a full stomach. Olena also shared with Rose that despite it being hard to always find time to cook, it was better when you made your own food because it gave you a good outlet to vent your frustrations. Along with that life lesson, Olena finally taught Rose how to make the beloved black bread that had become a favorite of Rose's, as well as being Dimitri's favorite.

Through the years, and their countless trips to Russia, Rose had really grown to truly love Olena as a second mother. Not to discredit her own mother, who Rose loved just as much, it was still nice to have someone softer to go to. Rose could see where Dimitri had gotten his softer side from. Olena had taken Rose under her wing and started teaching her about the other facets of life. Not everything was Guardian business and duty. Simple things of how to boil water, why knowing how to boil water was important, cooking, cleaning, being able to relax and enjoy your home; things that would slowly ease Rose into adulthood as well as being in an adult relationship and living with a man.

Rose got to working on her bread, enjoying the kneading motion as another avenue to vent her frustrations; she let her thoughts take over. Rose was never going to be a mother. She would never get a chance to have someone of her own to share everything she knew with. It made Rose realize how important a mother's role truly is and how lucky she was to have someone like Olena in her life. It also made her resent the fact that she had an even better understanding of what she was truly losing. What Dimitri was losing. He wouldn't have anyone to carry his legacy.

The disturbing thoughts took Rose to a deep dark place, getting her lost in a gloomy world where being with Dimitri wasn't such a good idea. That thought alone, brought tears to Rose's eyes and made her knead the bread even harder. The idea of losing Dimitri or not being perfect for him made her thoroughly distraught. It had been a long time since such self-doubts had come into her head.

Rose was so caught up she didn't even hear Dimitri when he came home. He had called for her from the moment he stepped into their apartment, but received to response. He walked into the kitchen to find Rose with tears in her eyes, pounding away at the dough.

"Rose?" asked Dimitri, confused by the situation in front of him.

"Dimitri!" screeched Rose, surprised by the sudden appearance of the man who had the leading role in her thoughts all day.

"Rose – what's wrong? Why are you making bread? You hate to cook. Why are you crying?" questioned Dimitri, not liking the sight of his girl such a state.

Rose looked away. She couldn't meet Dimitri's eye. What was she suppose to say? That they would eventually part because after getting married, there was no other step forward for them since they couldn't have children. That she knew he would eventually leave her to find someone who could give him a future, a legacy.

"Rose – what's wrong?" repeated Dimitri.

"Nothing," replied Rose, still refusing to meet his eyes.

"Look at me," instructed Dimitri.

"I can't," whispered Rose, trying to hold on to the last shred of control before the flood gates opened.

"_Roza_," whispered Dimitri, impassioned. He walked over to her, wrapped his hand around the long hair hanging in a pony tail and gently pulled so he could have her gaze meet his. "Look at me."

Rose shook her head, still refusing to meet Dimitri's gaze. Dimitri then crashed his lips to Rose's, knowing that would get a response from her. Rose's lips instantly molded themselves to Dimitri's. It had become automatic. Dimitri wrapped his free arm around Rose, pulling her to him, and then further deepened the kiss. He kept kissing and kissing Rose until he felt her body start to relax, and even then still continued to kiss her. Eventually, Rose turned her body further into his and wrapped her arms around Dimitri as best she could, while his hand was still tethered to her hair.

Finally, after a long while, Dimitri pulled away. Rose whimpered, not wanting to lose the connection, and leaned up further, hoping Dimitri would get the hint. He did. Dimitri smiled and gave Rose a chaste kiss in response.

"More," whispered Rose.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," gently replied Dimitri.

"I can't," responded Rose, her sadness returning from her earlier thoughts.

Dimitri saw the change come over her again. He pulled out one of the chairs from under the kitchen table, sat down, and pulled Rose to sit on his lap. His hand was still wrapped around her ponytail, refusing to let her go. Hugging her to him, Dimitri soothingly ran his other hand down her back as he whispered, "Roza, tell me what's wrong. There is nothing you can't tell me. Nothing so wrong that we can't fix together."

Those words did it for Rose. Tears started running down her cheeks as she tried to get up and away from Dimitri. This was finally the one thing that they couldn't fix together.

But, Dimitri wouldn't let her move. Instead, he hugged Rose tighter to him, refusing to let her shoulder anymore of the burden of whatever was wrong.

"Tell me what's the matter," urged Dimitri as he ran his hand up and down her back.

"I can't have babies," cried Rose, prompting an awkward laugh from Dimitri.

"This is nothing new. Did you just figure this out?" teased Dimitri.

"No," ruefully replied Rose. "Clearly, this has been proven," countered Rose with a pointed look.

"Then?" continued Dimitri.

"You want babies!" let out Rose, "you want babies and I can't give you any! And… and… and one day you are going to leave me because of it. You'll find someone who can and that will the end of us!"

"ROSE!" responded Dimitri, completely and totally utterly shocked by what he just heard.

"It's true!" cried Rose with vehemence as tears started streaming down her face.

"How… how can you think that? How can you say such a thing?" stuttered Dimitri.

"Because it's true! Because it is hardwired into your DNA!" replied Rose.

"Rose! You are so wrong – I don't even have words. There is nothing that could ever take me away from you. It's been proven!" responded Dimitri.

"That was then. That was when the pain of heartache, along with never having a chance to be together and longing for it. But now, now things are different. You've had me. You can move on!" cried Rose.

"Not time, not death, not guilt, not even being Strigoi, could change my feelings for you. You are the only one – the only thing – hardwired into my DNA. Everyone - everything - else is inconsequential. Babies – I don't care. I never had the expectation of having any. I never had the expectation of finding love either, but now that I've found you – I cannot exist without you. I don't need anything but you," passionately spoke Dimitri.

Rose saw the look in Dimitri's eyes. She knew he meant every word of it. "I can't lose you. I wouldn't be able to survive it. It's not like before. You are ingrained in me, apart of me. You are my heart. If you were to leave me – I wouldn't be able to survive."

"AND YOU ARE MINE!" proclaimed Dimitri. "Not even losing my soul could change how much I want you. You are my heart. I could live without my soul, but not without the most vital part of being. Only true death will ever be able to part us."

With that proclamation, the tears that had been steadily running down Rose's cheeks started streaming. She flung her arms around Dimitri and kissed him passionately. Nothing would ever be able to part them. She had known this, but hearing Dimitri's words reinforced what she already knew. It was so easy at times to take for granted how much they loved each other. In weak moments like this, where the thought of losing one another splashed an unwanted real possibility in their face, it was cathartic to say their true thoughts and feelings.

"I love you," is what Rose whispered finally had to break the kiss because they both really needed air.

"I love you," answered Dimitri.

"Forever," responded Rose.

"Forever," agreed Dimitri.


End file.
